Obscure Guidelines for College

Winter break is just about over, and college is gearing up soon. I know, I know. It’s sad. But instead of being upset over the end of break, maybe try and be excited about all of the possibilities that the new semester can bring—new year, new semester, new beginnings. Plus, the end of break signals the return of the 4.0 GPA series on this blog. Yay! In order to help you start off your semester on the right foot (yes, I used a cliché, and no, I’m not ashamed), I’ve compiled a list of random advice for you college students.

1. When turning in a major project/paper to an adviser for review, you must give the adviser two weeks (yep, two) to go over your work and give feedback on it, unless you’ve made other arrangements with your adviser. Apparently, two weeks is “common courtesy.” Is this in any handbook that you’re given at the beginning of college? Of course not. It’s just something that you’re supposed to magically pick up. Unfortunately, I learned this one the hard way. 😦

2. Please don’t smoke while walking to class. Maybe this is just my thing, but I always hate it when I get caught in the salmon stream (i.e., you can’t move anywhere else but straight ahead because you’re hemmed in by people) that is walking to class and get stuck behind someone smoking. You can’t escape the smell, and your lungs can’t escape the smoke. I understand needing a fix (okay, maybe I don’t because I’ve never smoked), but can’t you wait to smoke until people aren’t walking behind you?

3. Teachers can tell when you plagiarize, so don’t. They’re trained to spot it. Heck, I was in a class that devoted a great deal of time to spotting plagiarism and dealing with the academic crime. Also, if some other student in the class plagiarizes the same text as you, then consider yourself doomed.

4. Bring paper and a writing utensil to every class. I’ve seen students come in with nothing. Nothing! Then, they ask someone for a pen and paper. You’re in college. It’s pretty much a given that you’re going to need something to write with and something to write on.

5. Teachers can tell when you’re texting, so text at your own risk. All of the teachers I’ve talked to (both seasoned and newbie) say that they can tell when a student is texting. Also, every one of them said that they are annoyed by students texting during class.

6. Open those food wrappers quickly. Everyone call hear that wrapper that you’re trying to open. Just own it, rip it, and get it over with.

7. Couples, please stop making out in front of everyone. A kiss—fine. But a full on eat-each-other’s-faces make out session should not be for public viewing. I get it. You’re in love. Mazle Tov. Now, go find a dark corner somewhere away from where I’m studying. Thank you.

8. Don’t bring smelly food to class. I can smell your Kung Pao chicken, and it’s making my mouth water and my brain focus on that deliciousness instead of on the lecture. So, unless you want to share, please put it away.

9. If you want to feel more like a seasoned college student, then walk around with a cup of coffee or tea in your hand. It works every time.

10. Perfume, perfumed lotion, and perfumed hand sanitizer are all no-nos. Wait until you leave class to put them on.

11. Don’t carry on a long, drawn-out conversation with your friend while the instructor is talking. You think that you’re being quiet. You’re not. You think that no one can hear you because it’s a big auditorium. Fun fact: every whisper is magnified in a big classroom.

12. Don’t show up to a tutoring session high or drunk. You think that we tutors/consultants can’t tell. We can. By showing up in an altered state of mind, you make us feel uncomfortable, you’re probably not retaining anything that we say, and you’re wasting both of our times.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed the random advice and that it helps you to begin the spring semester (or quarter if you’re on the quarter system, and if that’s the case, you have my sympathies) in a positive manner. If you have any topics that you would like to see covered in the 4.0 GPA series, please feel free to tell me in the comments section. Also, I’ll be setting up a contact page soon. I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet, but I’ve put together a chair from Ikea before, and it can’t be harder than that.

Bonne chance, mes amis!